My Worst Poker Day Ever

And I don't mean that financially. It was my worst emotional swing I've ever suffered in the nearly two years I have been a serious poker player. I had to take a few days to recover before writing this because it still bothers me.

I started playing the Party WSOP Steps in April, as it seemed to be a good way for me to qualify for the ME on a limited bankroll. On Saturday I made it to Step 5 for the first time after at least a dozen chances playing in Step 4. I felt confident. I was making good reads. I was playing smart. I was ready for this, and strangely enough, didn't feel too much pressure.

I played a few rounds without any big confrontations. Made mostly value raises preflop, as there was no point in stealing too much early. Then, about 20 hands in, it happened.

In the second blind level with all 10 players left, I was dealt 77 in EP. I limped, as I do with all mid and small pocket pairs in EP. Two limpers came in behind me in MP, SB completed, and BB checked.

Flop: 743

Yahtzee. I flop the second nuts, top set. But I can't be too smooth and try to slowplay, as there are four others in the pot, and any 6 or 5 is a terrible card for me as the other limpers probably have one of those cards. I lead for about 2/3 the pot, and only the first MP limper calls. I wasn't quite sure what to make of his call. I thought he was limping A7, 87, 76, or a mid or small pocket pair. Obviously I want him to have 44 or 33 here, but overall I wasn't worried about him having the 56.

Turn: Q

I wasn't quite sure what to make of this card. I didn't think it would help get me more action, as most people who call that flop bet have a weak A or mid pocket pair. But he can't put me on a Q here either, so I figured action would continue as normal. I led out for another 2/3 of the pot or so that I wouldn't give him a free draw if he had a 5 or 6, leaving about the size of the pot left in my stack. MP waits. And waits. He tanks for 10 more seconds after the 20 given on all hands, and raises me almost all in (enough to commit himself if he calls). I'm not worried about QQ here, there's no way he's limping that preflop and then flat calling my EP bet. And I'm still not worried about 56, as I thought it was a little too small of a suited connector for him to limp in MP1 based on his previous actions in other hands. So I push it in, thinking he probably has 44 or 33. He calls and flips over...wait for it...66. I am thrilled and dumbfounded at the same time, wondering what the hell kind of cards he put me on. Even as a semi bluff, that's a pretty ballsy play that is relying almost soley on fold equity to work. Anyways, there's one card left and I'm a 91% favorite to win the hand. He could only win if he hit a 5 for a straight to beat my set. It doesn't get much better than that.

River: 5

I freeze. At first I didn't lose my cool at all. I don't know if I was expecting this horrible, horrible scenario to occur, or if I just didn't believe it. But when the chips moved from the middle of the table to him, I lost it. I was pissed. Out in 10th for a measly $35. I've taken worse beats in my life, but for that to happen after months of work to finally get to that point was just too much to take. I get up, scream, and punch the walls a few times. Yes, dumb, I know, but you lose all rational thoughts in times like this. I vented to a few friends, some who understand poker, and others that don't. It didn't matter. I couldn't sit alone in my apartment after that beat. I felt sick.

Thankfully Divya's birthday was that night, and going out with a big group of people would help me realize that it is just a poker game, and there are a lot more important things in life. They actually all heard about it through Jenn and offered their sympathy, which took me by surprise. It's nice to know whether they know anything about poker or not, that they understand how much achieving that goal means to me. Thanks for the support there, I appreciate it.

It was frustrating to see my goals and hard work go down in flames on the turn of one card. I set the goal of qualifying for the WSOP ME on New Year's, and fully expected myself to accomplish it. I fully understand I might not have won even if I did win that hand, but I felt my aggressiveness with a big stack could take me at least to the top 3 where I would be able to freeroll for the seat. I am someone that works incredibly hard to succeed, and rarely fails to reach my goals. But that's the nature of this game, and I knew that every hand had the possibility to take my entire stack. I have busted out of numerous tournaments on 3 outers, 2 outers, 1 outers, sometimes I swear they're drawing dead and still win. But having so much riding on it made that beat 100 times worse.

Now that I've somewhat gotten over it, I am in some ways relieved I went through this. Every poker player suffers bad beats, but taking them when so much is riding on the line puts a lot of things in perspective, both poker and life related. The beats I'll take in poker won't compare to that one until I move up in stakes. But I've also realized I've had that same feeling in my stomach after certain moments the last few years of my life in situations not related to poker. The only difference is, I can control the latter. College was a great learning experience, but I still felt as though I didn't do everything I wanted. I didn't step out of my comfort zone enough, and sometimes when I think back on those moments, I get that same feeling. It reminds me of my favorite quote from Rounders. Matt Damon is about to walk away just being able to pay off Worm's debt, when he narrates, "You can't lose what you don't put in the middle. But you can't win much either." Then he goes back and risks it all again and stacks KGB a few more times. I try to keep that in mind when I'm nervous in new situations, and hopefully it will continue to push myself to grow as a person.

Anyways, it's weird that such a horrible experience can bring some comfort. But it has...in some ways. I still wish I won that seat, but I know I played it correctly. And I know what it feels like to be sucker punched by the deck when something that means so much is on the line. That experience expanded my comfort zone, and my willingness to take risks will only help my game, and life, in the future.

I've got about a week left to try and qualify, but I don't know how much more I'm going to invest. I'm looking for apartments in Chicago on Tuesday and Wednesday, so that eliminates a few days. I'll probably give it a strong push at the end of the week if I'm up for it, but that'll be it. I think I'll head out to Vegas regardless to try and clean out the cash games and check out the chaos that is the Main Event. It'll be a fun trip whether I play in the ME or not, and I'll be sure to post my trip report when I'm out there.

That's it from here. If you actually made it this far...I owe you a drink or something.